What do Jenga, Relationships, and Spring Cleaning Have in Common?

“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

— Albert Einstein

Meet Anne.

Anne has a problem. She’s frustrated that her husband prioritizes his work over their relationship, and she feels dismissed and undervalued. He comes home late. He takes phone calls during dinner. “I’m married to a man whose married to his business,” she gripes. 

Sick of being ignored, Anne devises a plan. She calls her husband’s office and tells his secretary that a “very important” new client wants to meet him for coffee. This person, she assures the secretary, is someone her husband will discover is an incredibly valuable person to invest time in.

Anne gets a coveted appointment in her husband’s busy calendar. She heads to the meeting spot and reveals her ploy to her husband: this big “client” is none other than his wife.

Luckily, her husband is pleasantly surprised. He feels appreciated, and is excited to enjoy a designated time slot with the person he loves. He’s happy that Anne understood his situation and took initiative to arrange quality time in a way that works for both of them.

Anne understands an important concept: If I want change to happen, I need to identify the problems and stop engaging in the patterns that are perpetuating them.

It does take two to tango.

This story is not new. 

We get busy, life gets in the way, and it’s easy to let our loved ones move down a few notches on our priority list. We assume we’ll “get to it later”… and the patterns continue.

Eventually, we begin to notice “symptoms,” subtle signs of underlying frustration. We start snapping at one another more easily, or experience underlying feelings of hurt or sadness, but don’t know why. We keep moving, but the movement doesn’t mean we’re growing. It’s aimless. In essence, our relationship becomes stagnant.

Without a strong foundation, even a small storm can knock things over. Think Jenga, but in real life.

I was compelled to write this now because I have seen (and experienced) the power of personal transformation and the effect it can have on our relationships. 

What we all need more than anything else (especially in times of crisis) is authentic connection. This need for connection is hard-wired into it. We can’t escape it. We pretend it doesn’t matter, but it will manifest in other areas of our lives, perhaps when and where we least expect it.

If we want extraordinary relationships, we must break the patterns and habits that (perhaps unconsciously) are getting in the way.

It’s simple, but not easy.

Ask yourself the following question: What do I need to change right now, today, in order to achieve what I desire? What ‘clutter’ must I remove? What non-negotiables do I need to establish?

Call it spring cleaning for relationships.

Before Covid turned the world upside down, my husband and I used to have coffee together every morning. While it’s harder to get alone time now, we are conscious of the importance of spending uninterrupted time together, now more than ever. No matter how solid a relationship is, if it isn’t forward-moving, it will become stagnant. If you don’t nurture it, it will not grow.

You reap what you sow

There are no shortcuts.

Always remember, an extraordinary relationship is not a destination, it’s a journey. 

Safe travels.