What You Appreciate, Appreciates

Does happiness make you grateful, or does gratefulness make you happy? 

Have you ever asked your grandparents about what their lives were like when they were younger? If you have, chances are some of the biggest concerns they experienced in their youth revolved around basic survival. That was my experience; as the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors, I was constantly reminded of how lucky I am to live in a free country.  

Ask young adults today about happiness, and you’ll see a very different picture.

Young adults today are less happy than previous generations, despite having significantly more freedom and opportunity.

A recent survey asked millennials what it would take to make them happy, as well as what their life goals are. The majority responded that they believed that getting rich or becoming famous is the key to happiness.

In a groundbreaking study at Harvard University, researchers examined the lives of more than 700 men over 75 years, beginning in 1938. They studied two groups of men, the first consisting of Harvard students and the second, boys from the poorest neighborhoods in Boston. These young men were interviewed extensively and had full physical checkups regularly. They became factory workers, doctors, truck drivers, lawyers, and one even became president of the United States. Some developed depression, Schizophrenia, and other mental health issues.

Over the years, they were followed, interviewed, and their physical and mental health were closely monitored.

Here’s what the researchers discovered: happiness levels and life satisfaction did not correlate with the amount of money the participants had in the bank, with their careers, or with fame. It wasn’t about the amount of friends they had or whether they were in a marital relationship or single.

The greatest predictor of happiness was the quality of the relationships they had with their friends and loved ones. In fact, connection was one of the highest predictors of longevity, health, and overall wellbeing. 

Not just that, but those who leaned into gratitude were happier, not the other way around. Wealth and fame did not correlate with happiness. Gratitude and quality of relationships did. 

The bottom line? It doesn’t matter how much we have. Ultimately, if we’re not grateful, we won’t be happy. 

Gratitude is about appreciating the little things and not taking them for granted. That’s why people who face life-threatening illnesses often report living more fully after they recover. They are grateful for their very breath. Each day becomes a gift. They no longer take life for granted. 

Gratitude begins with the relationship you have with yourself. It’s an internal state of mind that must be cultivated. Some may have a predisposition that allows gratitude to flow more easily while others have to work harder, but we know for certain that practicing gratitude will make you happier.

There is a treasure trove of research and data backing this up. People who wrote down 3 things they were grateful for every day for 21 days reported a significant increase in their overall happiness levels as well as improved relationships with their loved ones. People who suffered from mental health issues also benefitted from these practices. 

Keeping a gratitude journal can be the single most important step you take to improve your life.

Want to practice giving thanks daily? Make gratitude part of your routine. Every day, write down 3 things you are grateful for, the more specific the better. For example, I could write “I’m grateful for the warmth of my coffee mug,” or, “I’m grateful that my daughter brought her plate to the kitchen after dinner.” Make this part of your routine, whether it comes first thing in the morning or right before you go to sleep.

When you are in a grateful state of mind you begin to see the abundance in your life, and when you notice abundance, you open new channels for growth, connection, and better relationships. 

Thanksgiving is all about relationships and gratitude. I can’t think of a better time to start practicing the two than right now. 

Wishing you a happy and grateful Thanksgiving.

-Eda