Lessons from a Former Self-Help Junkie
As a mom of four school-aged children, wife to an adventurous serial entrepreneur, and a student in graduate school, there’s simply never a dull moment. To best manage my ever-changing and often chaotic schedule, I read dozens of self-help books and amassed a treasure trove of tips and tools on how to lead a fulfilling life and maximize my potential. I adopted high-performance habits, witnessed the life-changing magic of tidying up, embraced my imperfections, joined the 5 a.m. club, tapped into the power of now and stopped apologizing. To say I “put in the work” would be an understatement. In the midst of the ups and downs of the pandemic, I was grateful for the survival tips and life hacks that helped keep me sane while I navigated uncharted territory. I shared many useful tools and insights on my blog and adapted them to my clients’ needs to help them move closer to their goals. What happened next was unexpected: I went from “self-help junkie” to “self-help skeptic.” I discovered that what worked for me often didn’t work for others. In fact, tips that worked for some clients were detrimental to others and had opposite outcomes. I began to realize how important it is to understand the narrative behind each individual’s desire for change before deciding on which tools and lifestyle hacks are best suited for them. This, I learned, is the most sustainable way to pave a path of alignment between their core values and building the life they truly want. Instead of looking for answers, we started digging for better questions. The tools are great, but are they great for you? Why do you want this change now ? For example, facing fears can be a good thing, but does this method apply in all situations? Here’s another example: The oft-quoted “If it’s not a ‘hell yes’, it’s a ‘no’” has resulted in people saying “no” because it simply doesn’t feel good to say yes. Perhaps there are certified people-pleasers out there who can benefit from this approach, but if we adopt this view without deeper questioning, we run the risk of becoming narcissists, looking out for our own interests at the expense of others’. Un-Selfing Help I have no doubt that the many of the self-help books I’ve read have had a profound impact on my life and helped change it for the better. I feel a deep sense of gratitude to Brene, Eckhart, Dale, and all the self-help gurus who have made it their lives’ mission to help us tap into our potentials. Despite having experienced tremendous growth from the self-help tools I adopted (I still wake up at 5 a.m. and get loads of stuff done before the kids take over), and from my graduate studies in Psychology, it was my endless curiosity about the human condition that helped me identify the missing components of the puzzle. The Spiritual Approach In his best-selling book “Morality: Restoring the Common Good in Divided Times,” Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks, former chief Rabbi of the UK and award-winning author shares a profound truth that has completely altered the way I understand self-help and self-care. While the willpower and desire for change comes from within, for most of us, it is the quality of our relationships that give us meaning and fulfillment. Thus, it is in our ability to love and care for someone else that we can transcend the self. Sacks proposes that we shift from “I” to “we,” and that we become concerned with the welfare of others as though it were our own. He argues that “…the only people who will save us from ourselves is “We”—the People.” While this concept isn’t new, we have seen a lot of new research on the link between helping others and improved physical health, mental health, increased happiness levels, and so on. In one example, a survey of people in 136 countries showed that those who had donated money to charity were happier than those who had not. As we battle a global pandemic, the interdependent nature of our society is perhaps more evident today than ever. In a post-Covid world, we have a rare opportunity to re-examine the role of self-help and self-care and recognize the inescapable link between the “Self” and the “Other.” Hopefully, this will lead us to a place of greater connection, fulfillment, and increased joy. I have always loved looking to research for guidance on best practices for more wholesome living, and so I share the following tips with the hope that you will adopt what works for you while remaining curious and remembering that there is no one-size-fits-all formula for success. Here are the 10 tips that I have found most helpful in guiding my clients in moving from scattered to strategic, from confused to clear-headed, and from thinking to doing (in no particular order): Use your time wisely. Time is a precious and UNRENEWABLE resource, so use it wisely. How are you spending your time? Take note of what you can change to move closer toward your intended goals. Find shared activities. Find activities that both you and your kids/family enjoy. It’s important that YOU enjoy them because ultimately if you’re stressed out and overwhelmed, you will pass that negative energy along to others and no one wins. Make time for movement. You don’t need to go to the gym. Simply turning on music and moving your body is fine. Wake up before your kids. If you’re a parent, try to wake up before your kids do. Using this time to do something that fuels YOU can really jumpstart your day. Get dressed every single morning… even if you’re not going anywhere. Research shows that people who do this are more productive and feel better throughout the day. And PLEASE, don’t forget to eat… especially if you’re the hangry type! Take small steps. We underestimate the power
So What If You’re Not In the Mood? 3 Simple Morning Hacks
.elementor-widget-wpr-post-media { } What’s the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? Do you reach over and check your phone? Do you drink coffee within an hour of waking up? The choices we make in the first moments of our day can significantly impact how the rest of it unfolds: For the longest time, I had no appetite in the morning.I thought skipping breakfast suited me just fine. What I failed to recognize was that I had never genuinely given breakfast a chance, simply assuming that if I wasn’t hungry, there was no reason to eat. During a thought-provoking conversation on our podcast with the esteemed thinker Dennis Prager, he shared a story that ignited an ‘aha moment’ within me. Dennis recounted his childhood, recalling how he had little enthusiasm for morning prayers at school. In an act of defiance, he boldly approached his teacher and admitted, ‘I’m not in the mood to pray.’ The teacher’s composed response, ‘So what?’ carried a profound simplicity that deeply resonated with me. The realization hit me like a lightning bolt: ‘So what if I don’t like eating breakfast? Who cares?’ Dennis’s words struck a powerful chord, compelling me to reevaluate my perspective. I decided to give breakfast a chance, and it has undeniably transformed my life.” With this in mind. here are some simple hacks I have adopted that can help empower you to be in charge, rather than in reactive mode, as you navigate the demands of your daily life. 1. Caffeine: a Morning Misstep Drink water before coffee. When you wake up, your body’s cortisol levels naturally begin to rise, helping you transition from sleep to wakefulness. This natural awakening process is crucial for setting the tone for your day. However, reaching for that morning cup of coffee can disrupt this delicate balance. Here’s why: Caffeine, a central nervous system stimulant found in coffee, tea, and many other beverages, can interfere with your body’s natural cortisol rhythm. When you consume caffeine immediately upon waking, you risk dampening the cortisol awakening response. This disruption can lead to a less effective and potentially more stressful start to your day. On the other hand, drinking water as your first morning ritual enhances this natural awakening process. Hydrating your body not only replenishes fluids lost during sleep but also helps in regulating cortisol levels. By allowing this natural rhythm to unfold, you promote better hormonal balance, setting a positive tone for your day. 2. Preventing Information Overload and Reactivity Do anything before picking up your phone: Checking your phone right after waking up can flood you with information and demands. You might find yourself bombarded with work emails, news updates, and messages, putting you in a reactive mode where you’re responding to others’ requests before tending to your own needs. By delaying phone use, you take charge of your morning and create a protective buffer against information overload. 3. Mindful and Intentional Start The first 45 minutes of your day are precious, and those minutes will likely set the tone for the rest of your day. That first hour can be as valuable as the next 5 hours. Choosing to go phone-free during this time allows you to cultivate mindfulness and intentionality. You can use this period to set the tone for the day ahead. Engage in activities that nourish your body and soul, such as stretching, light exercise, or a moment of quiet reflection. It’s a powerful way to reclaim your morning for yourself. Share the love and pass this on to anyone who could use a dose of inspiration For the full episode with Dennis Prater, visit the podcast link below: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/from-the-inside-out-with-rivkah-krinsky/id1504150729?i=1000603016707
The balancing Act of a Jewish Religious Woman
Being a Jewish religious woman often involves a complex juggling act, where various responsibilities and roles intersect in daily life. From managing household chores to nurturing family relationships and personal well-being, the demands can be significant. Household Responsibilities One of the primary roles involves maintaining a clean and organized home. This includes: Cleaning: Regular cleaning of the home is essential, especially in preparation for Shabbat and holidays. This can involve everything from dusting to deep cleaning various areas of the house. Kitchen Management: Cooking traditional meals is a central part of Jewish culture, requiring time and effort in meal planning, preparation, and cooking. Grocery Shopping: Keeping the pantry stocked with kosher ingredients is a weekly task, often requiring trips to multiple stores to find the best products. Family Life In addition to household tasks, a Jewish woman often plays a pivotal role in family dynamics: Husband: Supporting a spouse, whether through emotional support or shared responsibilities, is crucial. This partnership often requires effective communication and teamwork. Children: Caring for children involves not only daily routines but also educational responsibilities, such as helping with homework and fostering their Jewish identity. School Involvement: Being active in children’s education, whether through involvement in school events or religious education, is often a priority. Personal Well-being Amidst these responsibilities, personal well-being is also important: Staying Fit: Finding time for exercise can be challenging but is essential for maintaining physical health. This might include home workouts, walking, or participating in community fitness classes. Getting Put Together: Taking time to groom and dress well is often valued. This includes choosing modest yet stylish clothing that aligns with religious values. Hair and Appearance: For many, hair care and maintaining a polished appearance can be a form of self-care and expression, reflecting their identity and values. Conclusion Juggling these various aspects of life requires resilience, organization, and a strong sense of community. Each role contributes to the rich tapestry of a Jewish religious woman’s life, where faith, family, and personal fulfillment intertwine. Balancing these responsibilities is not just about managing tasks but also about nurturing relationships and personal identity within the framework of faith and tradition.