Keeping the Devil in Prada from Wearing you Down
A few weeks ago, I excitedly submitted a manuscript for a children’s book to a well-known publisher. I thought the book was truly great, which is unusual for me. Full disclosure: even at 35, I’m still working on my self-confidence. In that moment, however, I felt particularly good about what I had produced.
And then the manuscript got rejected. Twice.
I was crushed. I retreated into a negative headspace and convinced myself that I wasn’t good enough to write anymore. In my narrative, I totally undermined my innate power and failed to recognize that success is found in the process, not the outcome.
If you’re like me, you’ve had plenty of moments where that little voice creeps into your conscious or subconscious mind and whispers, “You’re not quite good enough.”
As multirole women, many of us juggle these voices in our heads alongside the long list of things we need to take care of every day, and these voices can add up and weigh us down far more than anything else on our plates. Not only that, but they can actually prevent us from taking care of all the things on our to-do lists.
The Struggle is Real
We’ve all been in that situation where we have an opportunity to say or do something but decide against it because in the moment, the fear of risk becomes too great, forcing us to retreat.
That’s when a second inner voice creeps in, bringing waves of shame and regret along with it. “I should have,” it whispers nastily. “I could have. If only I would have.” It’s often followed by us beating ourselves up for everything we did wrong.
Sigh. The struggle is real.
If we don’t oppose them, our inner critics will comfortably settle in and live rent-free in our heads. They’ll happily take full control over our thoughts and behaviors, leaving us feeling like we’re constantly battling against a cutthroat prosecuting attorney.
Here’s the unvarnished truth: at the end of the day, there’s always going to be some element of fear and pressure coming from our inner voices. The point is not to try to eradicate them completely, but instead to choose whether we allow them to guide our decisions and influence the course of our lives.
Here are a couple of tips for managing those nagging inner critics:
Step 1: First things first: give yourself a break.
In today’s world, our struggle with these nasty inner voices is exacerbated more than ever before as we scroll through our social media feeds and compare ourselves with the heavily-altered half-realities of people we don’t even know.
The question we need to ask ourselves is how often do we allow the bug of comparison and criticism creep in and direct how we feel about who we are, what we’re doing, or what we’re capable of doing?
Step 2: Acknowledge that you have the power to choose.
Choice is your ultimate power, and when it comes to these inner voices, you’ve got plenty of it!
We hold tremendous power and capability. We can choose to shift those little voices into focus on something better, something more positive and progressive, and to focus on the things that will lead us down a path of greater joy and abundance.
In other words, what we appreciate, appreciates.
To tame our inner critic and mitigate its impact on us, we have to take away its power and reclaim our own.
Step 3: Understand that the Devil Wears Prada
Not all devils have horns and a tail. Some dress themselves up and try to fit in to look just like you, often pretending to look out for your best interests.
This “Prosecutor in Prada” can convince us that there is indeed something wrong with us. She also has us convinced that she IS us.
We think she’s there to help us as she saunters in and reassures us that her ideas are rational and have our best interests in mind. Deep down, though, we know that the devil does nothing more than wear us down with discouraging thoughts.
Anything or anyone who keeps us small is never operating in our best interests. Never. Why would we want to hang around someone who makes us feel badly about ourselves?
Here’s where we flip the script of that inner critic and reclaim our power. It begins with recognizing that the inner critic is NOT you.
When we begin to see these struggles as a dialogue between two voices, we can take a side and decide to stick with it. Pick the side of progress and positivity. Pick the side that makes you feel best.
The real you—the part of you that lives in every cell beyond that voice in your head—knows that at your core, you are strong and confident and good.
Step 4: Call out the critic.
If I gave you five compliments and one insult, which would you be more likely to remember?
Here’s another question: Would you allow someone to stand in front of you and continuously berate and insult you? I sure hope not.
Here’s the good news: You can step into your power as the landlord of your head and stop the prosecutor from creeping back in.
Picture that critic and give that voice a name. Maybe “Annie in the Attic” or “Sue the Spider.” I call mine “The Prosecutor in Prada.”
Change begins with calling out the critic, with identifying and questioning that “voice of no reason.”
Is what she’s whispering really true? How can you flip that script into something more positive?
This question alone can help you become more self-aware and self-compassionate, so that you can move on to changing your narrative and practicing self-transcendence.
Important reminder: Change does not happen overnight.
Your inner critic is not going to instantly disappear. The prosecutor is not going uproot and settle into some new courtroom that easily.
She’s comfortable where she is… but only because you welcome her to stay. It’s time to shake her up and make her uncomfortable.
When it feels too difficult to uproot your unwanted guest on your own, getting support from someone else, someone outside of your help, can help tremendously. Don’t underestimate the power of a good coach or therapist. Having someone to hold you accountable and gently remind you that your inner critic isn’t looking out for your best interests can be life-changing.
It’s time to reclaim your power and shut out anyone who tells you otherwise… even if that someone is you.
